Tag Archives: essay

Quil4….My story so far…

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I majored in International Relations with a minor in English literature, as part of my BA studies, and recently graduated with an MA in International Affairs, focusing on human security and development. Residing in Vancouver, I’m currently contemplating law school and searching for gainful employment. Creative writing has always been a hobby(though my readership has been mostly limited to myself), and though somewhat technologically illiterate, I’m truly excited to learn more about the world of blogging.

I’ve always loved the idea of being a storyteller, with all its romantic implications. If art is defined, above all else, by what one feels, then what better way to live life than to live it feelingly. Throughout my academic years, creating and enjoying art, in whatever form, seemed to offer both escape and elevation. It wasn’t the focus of my studies at university, so I linked art with leisure and pleasure and indulgence, it was satisfyingly separate from my professional reality and academic exercises. It was dessert.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t need it. Tired with reading about wars and dead political theorists and evidenced-based studies on global health issues and harsh international realities to which I was becoming increasingly de-sensitized to (my major was international affairs), I craved the release of reading less objective, less empirically sound, less strictly worded material. I wanted to be moved. (I like this expression that denotes internal emotional mobility and dynamism, that can be both a quiet shift or dramatically seismic). I wanted to read words crafted to evoke an emotional response, and I resented having to avoid those words in my own papers (though I understand the necessity of staying away from a propagandist’s agenda in the realm of political science).  I resented referencing every sentence, citing my words, searching for peer-reviewed articles to substantiate my thoughts; my writing felt impersonal, I didn’t feel particularly articulate. I missed the malleability of creative writing, that freedom to sculpt out your own meaning with the scalpel of your choice. Writing with style and texture. Inhabiting a story. Hiding meanings between the lines. Floating around as the omniscient narrator, going on a power trip and getting into characters’ heads. The creative process is incredibly empowering, as Josh Groban would say: “It lifts (you) up, so (you) can stand on mounntainnns.” As the ‘creator’ you have an incredible amount of flexibility, can traverse vast landscapes, can bridge past, present, and future; in short, you can be something of a superhero.

So while immersed in academia, I also allocated time for some creative writing, and often felt like when I was writing I was at my best as a person. (I heard author Zadie Smith talk about this in an interview). At my most empathetic. At my most understanding. At my most forgiving. At my most good humoured. For me, (being quite slow at most things, like eating) rallying my thoughts together takes time, when I speak my words are less thoughtful than when I write. When you write you can trace your thoughts all the way to completion, you have room for eloquence. You can take a breath and avoid jumping the gun, you can backspace your assumptions and other errors of ignorance, you can best traverse the shades of gray that color human life, you can wade through people’s complexities, digest them, and eventually learn to love all parts of them.

So creative writing was never purposeless for me, yes there is a level of self-involvement that I draw from, but equally a sense of connection to others. There was thus much gratification be had by me from investing in my so-called ‘diversions’. Escape and elevation, and lets also add, expression. Expression of self in relation to others, self’s connection to self and others…(I honestly don’t know if that makes any sense..expression is often difficult and problematic and …so is self). So now that I have my degree in hand, I am faced with the challenge of reassigning the role of creative endeavours in my life. To pursue it as a career is daunting for numerous reasons, financial of course, but I also lack discipline with my writing. I write when I feel like, I don’t know if I can do it any other way. And if it’s not my dessert…what does it become then? Unenjoyable, health conscious (financial health) writing? That’s no good. Hence, this blog, that I am so happy to contribute to, keeping me in line with due dates but encouraging creativity for the fun of it.